Four years gone so fast...

The AVC Class of 2016

I didn't write a post for over a year now.  A whole year.  I always had a goal to keep this blog running my entire four years of vet school and while I did ok in the first three years, I did not manage to keep the job going while I tackled the fourth and final year of this journey.  Many times I thought I should write a post about what I was doing- the first rotation coming to an end, the first time I had to make decisions on a case, the times I struggled or the times I felt like everything was going right.  I could have written about the biggest exam I have ever taken in my life, or the end of the final rotation.  I could have written countless number of things but the fact remains that no matter what I wrote I couldn't do justice to what I was actually experiencing.

Vet school is one of those weird places that you read about, hear murmurs about from high school counselors, then college advisors.  It's a place that is put on a pedestal- difficult to obtain for most, and yet some how for some people it remains a goal to be reached.  Once you get into that lofty institution you realize you had no idea what you were in for.  The hours of studying, the class mates who become more like family, the professors and staff who get to know you on a first name basis- all of these things are unveiled day by day as your trudge through.  I remember back to the beginning of my midterms in the first year of vet school.  The grades came back and I saw numbers I had never imagined I would get (so low, in fact that I doubted I could persist and continue this path.)  I am fortunate that those numbers, coupled with my increasing comfort level in my new surroundings motivated me to work harder and prove to the people who said I couldn't survive this new world wrong.  The academic years in vet school blow by- and when fourth year arrives it is surreal and daunting and in the end everything and nothing you imagined it to be.  

I could write this blog post as a general overview of everything that happened in my fourth year, but I would be forgetting some event or some important aspect of the experience.  There were rotations that challenged me and rotations that had lessons that will stick with me for life.  There were days where I was at school form 6 AM til 11:30 PM, nights when I would leave school at 5:30 PM after a full day only to be called back in and not leave again until 3:30AM.  There were patients that challenged me, clients I loved, and cases that no doubt were once in a lifetime things to see.  I learned a lot about what I am capable of, and I learned a lot about what I don't want to do or tackle in my future (looking at you farm animal medicine...).  I think if nothing else, the lessons about what you are made of, and what you are looking for in the future are perhaps more important than anything else you might learn along the way.

My time on this little island in Canada has been filled by school, but also by friends I have made, people I have met along the way, and new experiences.  I have walked miles on the coast line, wandered through wooded trails, watched foxes and eagles and a myriad of other wildlife enjoying the beauty around us, and I even enjoyed (mostly) the third year of my time here that saw a winter so snowy that records were broken and people will be talking about it for years to come.  In my third year I met a guy who has become a very important part of my life here on this island.  He opened up the chance for me to meet new people, watch bands and live music, and to get to experience what the island is really like through the eyes of someone who has lived there their whole life.  For all of these reasons I have come to love this little Island, and no matter where I go in the future it will always be a place I consider another home.  

Hawaiian sunset, April 2016

As I write this post, I am finishing out the end of a month and a half long vacation that began with a whirlwind trip to Hawaii and has ended with my graduation from vet school as well as some long overdue relaxation.  I recently accepted a position to be an associate veterinarian in a small rural community in New Brunswick- still in a coastal location but no longer on a tiny island.  My life will be changing rapidly over the next few months as I move, and get used to being in a position as a doctor (!) instead of a technician in a clinical setting.  There will be new challeneges, and new milestones to celebrate along the way.  I do not know if I will continue to write this blog, as it was originally meant to just cover the vet school journey- but I could always expand that and include life as a newly minted veterinarian.  As with the start of the blog, I will end it in much the same way- I don't know where my life is going to take me but I am looking forward to the next stop on this train.     

Coming down to the wire

I am sitting here counting down the days left of actual time in the classroom and I am in awe of how little time is left.  There are 9 days left of class, and I start my FINAL final exams on April 15.  I am both excited and slightly panicked at how quickly fourth year rotations are coming up, and as each day slides closer I am rapidly realizing that all the work I have put in for the last three years is going to come to a head very soon with my skills and knowledge being put to the test down in clinics.  I know that over my time in the class room I have studied, committed things to memory, and learned so much that will be useful to me in a clinical setting, but naturally I am also wondering just how much information I have managed to retain, and whether or not I will be on track with what I should know.

  

Last week, we had a meeting about what was to be expected out of fourth year, and how we will be graded.  No longer will we take a paper test that directly reflects the hours of lecture notes we poured over the night before.  Instead, we will be evaluated on our clinical skills, the way we interact with the clinicians and our peers and how we approach the cases that we face.  Each rotation has their own set of skills that you are required to complete to a level that both yourself and your supervising veterinarian deem to be at least of entry level veterinary competency.  Some of the task lists are a little daunting, but overall I have found that they at least give me some guidelines.  I think for myself the biggest challenge in fourth year is going to be being brave enough to interact with the clinicians and prove that I do have knowledge and willingness to succeed in this field.  I expect hard, long days with trying cases and I can work with that- but my greatest challenge will be overcoming residing in the comfort of my self inflicted "bubble".  For years now I have been the girl who sits quietly in the back of the classroom, not offering opinions or questions, having minimal interaction with professors.  I am maybe not proud of this fact, and I see it as an area where I should have been working to overcome this- but the comfort of being in my little secluded corner was easy.  Now, I will be entering an area where I am front and center in some cases, and I have to be able to present ideas and thoughts to clinicians.  I know I can interact with clients- I spent much time as a technician doing just that- but for someone who takes awhile to feel comfortable with new people- especially people who are as high up and important as the clinicians- I know this will be one of my greatest challenges.

Things on the rotation front are shaking out pretty well, though I admit to being a bit of a procrastinator.  I ended up dropping a Large Animal Medicine rotation from my schedule- in part because I wanted to fill the time with an external rotation, and in part because I did not want to do that particular rotation.  I know they say it is important to round out your rotations with as much as possible as you never know what you will be doing in the future- however I decided that for me I really wanted to use the time to fill in as many small animal opportunities as possible, given that this is what I want most.  It means I will have to spend some extra time studying large animal things for the NAVLE independently, but ultimately I think I will be happier for having arranged my schedule as I did.  I am currently trying to get an external rotation lined up in Hawaii next April, and barring any conflicts with the school and the clinic on the paperwork front it is looking promising!  I am nervous to be considering taking 3 weeks to travel somewhere where I know no one, and be alone (though many people have offered to come along with me if I do go) but I feel like that would be an excellent chance for a last rotation and to prove that I really can make it in the real world.  

Now that the semester is winding down, I have completed two surgeries with the help of a couple of my classmates- who have been patient and supportive!  I was the first surgeon in my group because I was most nervous for surgery and wanted to get it done with so I could stress a little less.  I ended up doing a complicated spay on a mature dog, which was very challenging but also an excellent learning opportunity in a lot of ways.  I spent the next three nights not sleeping convinced that she would have problems with her surgery site- but she did fine and in the end I was happy.  This last week I had another big dog that I neutered.  I was glad for the neuter because I now have at least done one of each of the basic surgeries a veterinarian performs, and he too was an excellent learning opportunity- but in a different way.  I learned I can stand on my own two feet and make some decisions (with good help from my group members).  I still am nervous during his recovery period, but a little less so than I was with my dog spay.  I have really enjoyed doing this surgery course, even if it has been a lot of work and stressful.  It makes my goals seem that much more obtainable, and tacking onto my previous statements about clinician interaction it has also allowed me to have more close contact with some of the clinicians which has helped decrease some of my worries for next year.  

In other news, I have lined an apartment up with one of my friends for the year next year, beginning on May 1.  We initially went and looked at a house- which was decent sized but not quite what we were looking for and the rent was a little higher than we wanted to be paying.  The perk was that the house was furnished so we wouldn't have been paying to do that as we both are leaving furnished cottages.  However, we found an apartment that is walking distance to school, on the top floor and at a good rent price so we took that.  I am looking forward to being able to walk every day to school, and will likely not bother to purchase a parking permit this year.  It will be very convenient when I am on call and have to be at school rather quickly.  We will need to furnish it- but I think we can piece together enough things to make it a functional living space without too many extra costs.  

Lastly- and maybe the most important- Burger Love has returned to the island!  This year brings 60 burgers but I am most looking forward to trying the ice cream burger again.  Last year the deep fried ice cream rolled in cinnamon that was on top of the burger was the craziest but most delicious thing I have tried.  This year their burger concoction is a burger, bacon and maple syrup sandwiched between two ice cream sandwiches and topped with a marshmellow and cherry.  Sounds strange and yet I cannot wait to try it!  Also this year my mom will be making her trip up and she will be here in time to try out a burger before it comes to a close at the end of the month.  This promotion is a great idea for both the beef producers here on the island and the restaurants, as the popularity of these concoctions has grown from year to year now, and it is also a great way to get out and celebrate winter coming to an end (well, sort of... we still have a lot of snow on the ground.)

The burger love burger I can't wait for... YUMMMM!  To see more check out www.peiburgerlove.ca

  

The future

I am sitting in my cottage, watching some light flurries fall and quite blissfully enjoying the beginning of my winter vacation.  This is the first time since I have been up here at school that I have not ventured home during the winter break- and while I had ample opportunity to do so, I decided to hold off this time given that my finances will be better spent trying to furnish a new apartment in the not so distant future.  Instead, I took advantage of the beautiful sun yesterday for a walk, and I read more than half of a book for fun.  Today I will be picking up my favorite furry dog to spend some time with him for the night.  I do have an exam coming up next week, but for now I can ignore that.  

 

It seems the majority of my vet school career so far has fallen into a pattern of studying for exams, taking a few weeks off, and then studying for finals.  This semester has been no different- we are now 6 weeks (!!) in, and I have written 3 final exams and a midterm.  The way this semester is set up, with three 5 week modules of classes, I will essentially be writing at least one exam every week from here on out until about the last week in March, just in time to study for final exams!  The bright side to this of course is that we are staring down the barrel at the end of our classroom learning (as I am sure I have mentioned before.)  I always enjoy learning, but I admit that sitting in a classroom is getting old.  I have now spent a significant portion of my life tethered to a desk cramming information into my brain, and I find I am getting restless of doing so.  I just keep telling myself as I sit down to study for yet another exam that it is one less exam left to go- in fact, as a tally I currently have 16 exams left to write, plus the biggest exam of my academic career next December! 

This semester has proven to be my busiest yet, as I surmised it might.  I expected that surgery would keep me busy and it has- we have reading assignments, quizzes, and we also have patients to care for.  So far, thanks to a snowstorm, our first surgery was postponed until next week.  After that, we have another lab that is not a true surgery, and then we begin 6 weeks of live patient surgeries.  It's still looming ahead of me, daunting, but I am also excited to start doing surgery as it makes my career seem that much more like a reality.  On top of surgery, we have assignments for other classes, exams to study for, and occasional group work to do as well.  Overall, my last few weekends have been spent doing school work, and even my evenings after school is spent with my nose in a book or doing something school related.  Prior to this semester, trying to get myself to focus and study during the week was a challenge.  I often did not study during my evenings in the middle of the week unless I had an exam to prep for.  Now, I have been studying almost continuously.   For that reason, I have been anticipating this break more than many other breaks as a chance to take a breather from the books.

The most exciting development is the arrival of my rotation schedule.  It's a pretty safe bet that most people (myself included) have a little rearranging to do with their rotations.  I am actually pretty happy with the way my schedule shook out, however I did not end up getting a rotation in dermatology, neurology, or ophthalmology, all of which I feel will be beneficial down the road for me.  I am going to have 3 weeks worth of time with which to do external rotations, and my current hope is to fill one week with some surgical work (spays and neuters), and take the other two weeks and try to work in at least one of those specialities I mentioned above.  It is very exciting to have my schedule handed in front of me.  There is one rotation I am perhaps most nervous about and didn't necessarily want, but I do think it will be good preparation for the NAVLE and I do think I will be able to learn and become more confident with my skill set so I plan to keep it.  I do have a lot of on-call rotations scheduled- in fact there are a couple of months where my back to back rotations are all on call- so it is quite likely I will be difficult to reach during those times.  However, I am excited about it and ready to take on the challenge of fourth year.  I am nervous as well, because I don't know exactly what to expect heading in to the clinic work, and worried that my skills will be lacking or insufficient, or my knowledge base won't be enough to be competent at this level- but I also am sure that I am not alone in feeling these things, and that the majority of people do just fine in their fourth year.  

This weekend on Sunday we are looking at yet another winter storm.  Winter was very quiet to start- as it was in most places in the East, with very little to no snow on the ground at Christmas.  However, it more than made up for it here.  Since Jan 27th, we have seen over 6 feet of snow fall.  We have about 3-4 feet on the ground right now-  the drifting makes it difficult to tell exactly how much.  We escaped a winter storm here today, however so far it does not look like we will be lucky on Sunday.  The forecast is calling for another foot and a half of snow!  I am not sure where we will put it all if we do get that much.  Many of the streets in the downtown area are severely narrowed, parking lots have lost many spaces to the mounds of snow that have nowhere else to go.  The sidewalks are mostly clear but the snow banks on either side are towering.  So, another foot of snow will make clearing quite difficult.  This also does not account for the fact that it will be a blizzard with strong winds.  I am quite fortunate that the last two big storms we had, each with strong winds, did not knock out my power for more than a minute, so hopefully the same holds for Sunday's storm.  All that said I still love winter, I still get excited when I see a big snowfall predicted and I still go outside and play (though sometimes my playing in the snow is me shoveling). 

 

I will update the blog again soon, perhaps once I do my first surgery here- or when I have my rotations scheduled for good.  In the meantime, Happy Friday the 13!    

The last semester of classroom work!

As of this Monday, I officially began the last semester of my classroom work!  Thinking back to the beginning of my second semester of first year, I was fairly certain that fourth year was this mythical thing that was looming ahead of me but I might never actually reach.  Third year was something I knew very little about, other than at the end we were done being stuck in seats learning from lectures.  Today, I have successfully completed half of my third year, and I am actively beginning to organize my fourth year of school!  As exciting as this all is, I have also spent my first week back (and a fair chunk of my whole school year so far) terrified for what is ahead of me.  Maybe terrified is too strong a word, but I am very nervous about this semester and next year and so far we have been hit with a lot of information and to-do lists to complete in the not too distant future.  Tomorrow we rank our preferences for the rotations that we will take in the fourth year and it's looming over my head as if I don't quite believe we have reached this point yet.  There are many things I am interested in taking, some things I am trying to avoid taking, and some other things that are outside my comfort zone but will be worthwhile pursuing to round out my knowledge base and skill set.  I am going to try and post more on my rotation information in another post once we get things organized as this is really just the tip of the iceberg.  Once we have ranked our preferences for rotations the computer system will randomly generate a schedule for us and we will then be able to add and drop rotations, and rearrange our schedules a bit in order to fill in some external rotations if we want to.  Our class will be the first one at the school using this new system to organize our schedules so no one is entirely sure how well it will work out, but I am guessing that things will work out fine in the end.

It has been awhile since I posted last, and of course we had our finals and winter break.  Final exams last semester were busy but I also felt very pleased with how they went.  By the last exam, which was the third in as many days, I was more than ready to head for home.  I had told my parents and my friends that I would be travelling the 12 hour journey home on Saturday as the last final was Friday and I wanted time to pack and organize.  In actuality I surprised them by returning home Friday instead, and I rolled into my mom's house just before midnight.  I would have been home even sooner had I not stopped at a friends on the way home to have dinner and catch up with her, but it was worth it as I don't see her very often at all.  My mother and Tizzie were both surprised to see me and I was so excited to be home and see them too.  Saturday I went and surprised my father and so began the break.  Three weeks of being on break is not enough really to see all the people who I wish I could, nor spend sufficient time with all of them.  I am always sorry if I don't get a chance to catch up with people, but I promise if I missed out on seeing you this break I will make it up to you when I return home next.  Part of the reason this break was so packed with travel and visiting of friends and family is that I will not be returning home now for the next eight months.  I organized my rotations so that I could have three weeks off in August for some weddings and birthdays, but otherwise until that point I will be here on island doing my rotations which begin in first week in May.  

Upon arriving back home I was greeted to a beautiful scene with tons of snow that was clinging fiercely to trees, wires and essentially everything in sight.  I am not sure I have seen such a picturesque scene in the winter before and been quite as in awe as I was.  Sadly, around Christmas the weather changed to rain and we lost all of the snow that was on the ground.  I don't think Tizzie was sad to see the snow go, or have the warmer temperatures but it made Christmas feel less Christmas like to me.  We were spending the holidays with my sister and brother out where they live and we ended up having a great couple of days out there with them.  For most of the rest of my stay at home the weather was cold but still no snow.  The day I was supposed to leave to drive back to here is the same day an icy system traveled the same route I was supposed to, and unfortunately delayed my return trip so I ended up missing the first day of classes.  Unlike in undergrad, usually our lectures start right in with material- and while I don't always gain a lot by being in lecture I still find them worthwhile to attend, so missing wasn't ideal.  Thankfully I had no labs scheduled and Monday's are my short days anyways.  I made an attempt to leave the house Monday about 5 AM only to have to turn around and go home to wait for salt to hit the roadways. I finally left my house about 7:30 AM and despite having poor road conditions for the first couple of hours of my trip most of the travel was excellent.  Unfortunately the weather hindered my plans to meet up with another one of my friends for lunch so I was bummed by that.  I eventually landed back to my little cottage late Monday night after the cold and windy trip, and unpacked all of my things before retiring to bed.  

Since Tuesday I have been going to class, and while I haven't had them all yet I can say that it is going to be a busy semester.  This semester is organized into three, five week modules where electives are offered for only five weeks at a time.  There are some core courses which are yearlong as well, but the combination of shorter courses and regular length courses means that I have a LOT of exams coming down the pipe and at times my exam schedule will be absolutely miserable.  However, I just keep reminding myself that fifteen weeks goes quickly, and before long we will be into rotations.  This semester I have many different classes but the most daunting and nerve-wracking course is my junior surgery class in which we actually get to perform surgery!  Not only is doing the surgery scary, but other components such as anesthesia and monitoring are making me worried as well (which is somewhat silly since I spent a good chunk of time monitoring anesthesia while working as a technician.)  Today was our orientation lab where we got our lab groups, took a tour of the rooms we were going to be using and needing and learned about how the labs would be working.  While they kept telling us not to be scared I found it very hard not to be anxious.  The labs have tons of components, some assignments, quizzes and of course the patient care.  I am hoping that once we get going I will feel less stressed and more in control and calm about doing things in general as this course is fundamental for my later career.  

Overall, I am trying to get back into the swing of things this week, and by next week I hope to feel like I never stopped going from last semester.  If I can manage to keep up with my school work I will post soon about what my rotation selections were, and what the process has been like- but I know once the semester gets into full swing I won't have the luxury of time to post as much.  If you pester me for slacking on writing posts then I likely will take a breather and write one!  In the meantime,  I am just going to try and stay warm on this bitterly cold place- and hope for some snow!  

Midterms are done! And misc. other things

I was a bit surprised by the response to my last blog, though perhaps I shouldn't have been.  When I sat down to write it, as with most things I write- I had a general idea of where I was going but I let my trail of consciousness flow where it might.  Apparently, I felt I needed to air my feelings du jour and the end result was not a typical (nor perhaps expected) post by me where I typically sing the praises of vet school and how much I enjoy it.  After posting I received messages and calls and chatted with people about my post ultimately realizing that I am so fortunate.  I am fortunate for the friends I have who remind that I am here for a reason, who remind me that they have faith in me and that they have my back.  It's a powerful thing, to realize how many people care enough to check in, and I owe the beginning of this post to them as a thank you!  I try to have a sunny outlook on life and most days I succeed at this.  Most days I realize I can enjoy the simple things- catching an extra 10 minutes sleep, a laugh with friends, nightly walks along the beach and trails.  Some days I do get bogged down and the post was a reflection of that.  I also need to stop and remember that my fortune is not limited to my friends and family but also having the ability to do something that feels custom cut for me, something that many people wish they could do.  I owe it to myself and those who don't have this opportunity not to waste this journey.  Life isn't a straight line path to the finish- I know I have taken my share of curves and switchbacks to reach this point- so to expect that each day progress without a single bump in the road is unrealistic and it would make me stagnant as a person.  Cliche though it might be, I truly believe that how we handle the challenges in our life define us, and if you never face challenges you haven't really had the chance to grow as a person.  Sometimes I need a reminder from my self or my family and friends that I am doing just fine carving my way through the world, and luckily it seems the Rolling Stones were correct: "you can't always get what you want, but if you try real hard you just might find, you get what you need."  

So, what else has been going on?  Since I last posted, midterms have (FINALLY) come to an end!  We wrote our last midterm on Tuesday this past week in Food Animal and all the grades have come in.  I have no complaints, my grades were as I expected them to be, and as usual I use them as a benchmark for how much work I need to put in for my final exams.  The semester has gone by in an odd admixing of paces- both snails sliding slow, and cheetah fast!  In the scheme of the semester I feel like it was just the other day I was unpacking my cottage, my mom and Tizzie were saying their goodbyes, and classes were just beginning.  In the day to day with the midterms spanning time from September til now, it feels like it has taken forever to reach this point.  Our final exams will begin on the day after Thanksgiving (American), and last through December 12th.  Normally our final exam schedule is an every other day schedule with the occasional extra day between tests thrown in.  This semester however, we have a couple of exams that are tightly packed back to back.  I would say that means I won't be very chatty to my friends back home, but truthfully the closer we get to Christmas and Christmas break I find the more excited I get and I spend my study breaks making plans to do things with friends.  It gives me light at the end of the tunnel.  Some of my exams will not be worth that much, because we have had 2 or 3 midterms and it splits up the points a bit better.  One of my exams is worth 100 percent of my grade- but thankfully that's pass/fail instead of a grade, and one of my other exams- also worth 100 percent of my grade- is a written take home which I have a copy of now and will probably start working on this weekend.  

Outside of school, I have had a little more time to breath.  Halloween was a lot of fun!  Last year on Halloween I had planned to dress up and go to the parties with friends, but Cherry ended up having a very lengthy day at school, and came home still sedated from her procedures so I stayed home and hung out with her.  The first year I was on the island I pulled together a last minute costume, and went to the class party which was a lot of fun.  This year, after working hard on midterms, my friends and I planned a night out!  We got ready and hung out, then went to the class party for a very short period of time (long enough for a class picture), and then went down to the halloween party our school puts on at a bar.  I went as a flapper- carefully planned since the beginning of October.  I ordered the dress, and got all kinds of accessories- and I was really happy with how it came together!  Going out for Halloween was a lot of fun, we danced, we hung out and socialized with a lot of people.  It was nice to be doing something not related to studying for a change!  

Today was another exciting day for me as I got to go learn about falconry.  I admit that while I love animals (with the notable exception of ladybugs and most insects) there are definitely animals I know very little about.  I have always enjoyed wildlife, though I know the least about wild animals in general.  The opportunity came up to go see a falconry demonstration, and learn about what it takes to train and handle these birds.  I had close to no idea what falconry was or what it involved and in also knew very little about the birds themselves.  After some nudging by a friend, I decided to sign up to go and I was glad I did!  This morning I woke up to flurries, a temperature of 32 degrees, and a strong wind.  Unfortunately, the strong wind prevented us from getting a demonstration of the flight of one of these birds- but I learned so much!  For starters, I learned about the different kinds of birds of prey that could be used for falconry, I learned about their eating habits and hunting preferences, what it takes to train them, and miscellaneous other facts.  We got to see the birds that this falconry master has, and he brought two out to show us some differences between them (one was a Harris Hawk, and the other was a Gyr Falcon.)  When I was young- elementary school aged- I recall taking a trip to VINS to see their raptors, but I was too young to actually retain what I learned on that field trip.  Today, I learned so many things that I will carry with me!  We were invited back at a date to be determined to see them take flight and hunt and if I am free I definitely want to take them up on the offer.  For me, the most interesting aspects were the behavioral things.  These birds are still wild in nature despite being bred in captivity so trying to forge a bond with a falconer- necessary so they return after the hunt- and still maintain their natural instincts is a fascinating study.  It's based on food, but it's a tenuous bond that relies on the falconer understanding his hunting partner.  To date this is maybe one of the neatest things I have gotten to experience while in vet school.  

With finals coming up it's doubtful I will make another post until Christmas break and maybe not until after depending on how busy the break is.  This weekend is a rare 4 day weekend in which I don't have to study for some exam, or do some project that cuts into my free time.  Last night I went to a large craft fair in town- full of talent that makes me wish I could actually do something crafty.  The craftiest thing I can manage is my handwriting, but I doubt many would consider it "artsy".  Currently, Ryker is spitting his slobbery ball in my chair while mind numbing television is running in the background.  I am looking forward to taking some lengthy walks, relaxing and reading some non-school books, and having a Netflix binge complete with cheesy Christmas movies.  Since vet school has started I am not sure we have had a four day weekend unencumbered by tests or assignments- so I am going to make the most of this glorious free time, do very little school work, and try to reset my mind to get ready for finals crunch!  

 

Well that's different...

I initially thought I would be too busy to post much this semester, but truthfully I have had a less busy semester than anticipated- I just haven't updated.  I will get better about this someday!  A lot has happened since the beginning of the school year, and yet there really has been very little I've felt worth noting.  Most of my classes this semester are lecture based- in fact I have three labs, of which two alternate weeks and one is more of a tutorial than a lab.  Midterm "season" has been in full swing now since the last week of September so I have spent a lot of time trying to prepare for exam after endless exam, and the string of testing doesn't break until beginning of November.  Almost all the other vets I have talked to told me from the start that things get better from first year on.  While I certainly have no desire to return to my first year of vet school, I am not entirely certain third year is better than second year was. 

I am not sure if it is because this is now my third year of vet school and exams are old hat, or if it's because I am so tired of taking exams I no longer care as much anymore but I have found it hard to get motivated to study for my exams this year.  Normally, despite being a top notch procrastinator, I spend at least the day before and the morning of an exam stressed that I will never know enough to pass the exam and speed reading through material.  Last year, I don't know of a single exam I didn't have a panic phase before, excluding the last couple of final exams where I was so tired of writing tests that I struggled to get to the finish line for the semester.  This year starting off with the first exam I barely put in enough effort studying, even compared with first year when I was just realizing how much work vet school is.  So far, my grades have all been fine, so obviously my retention has been decent enough- but I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Surely, eventually, I am going to hit a time where I go back to my panicky nature?  The only exam I can think of that I actually put in a lot of effort, and actually was nervous for was my neurology/opthomalogy exam and that was because every single person I had talked to said the exam was horrendous.  I am still waiting for the results from that exam, but when I left I felt like it could have gone worse, could have gone better.  Normally after exams I wait for my friends to finish writing and we talk about questions that threw us off or we weren't sure about... while we still do this, I feel less like regurgitating about the exams because whatever happens, happens.  I guess overall I am most nervous with this attitude- I am hoping that by the time finals rolls around I will have the drive to study harder, and the nerves to make me feel a little more like I did last year.

Maybe the nerves missing is a good thing, maybe it means I am finally comfortable with my place in vet school.  I doubt that's the case and if it was, there is always something that triggers me to think "I don't have any idea what I am doing here, I really don't know that I will make it through".  It's not an every day haunting feeling, but when I think about the future and what is coming up (4th year, rotations, the NAVLE, then real life!) I am plagued by concerns over my adequacy.  I write each exam after essentially cramming information into my brain for 2 days straight and then once I write the exam I hardly recall what I wrote.  I do get reminders every now and again that I retain more than I think, but vet school exams are a binge and purge style of living and it is not conducive to long term retention, at least not for me.  This semester one of the lab based courses has us doing physicals on in-clinic patients and coming up with their problem list, rule outs, differential diagnoses and so on.  It's highly useful for the rest of my career and yet when it comes to certain diseases or presentations of those diseases I blank.  I know at some point I knew the pathophysiology behind a disease, the possible ways it presents... but I can't always draw a ready connection.  This inability is worrisome for fourth year and beyond, as essentially that is what this career is.  I am hoping that over the span of my fourth year and the remainder of this year I can pull things back together so that when I graduate I don't have a deer in the headlights glow about my new graduate face.  I look at the fourth year students I have worked with or known over the last couple of years here and I think they all appear to know so much.  I am hopeful that rotations instill the faith I need in myself to be successful at this job.  

My semester projects/assignments/scary tasks I don't want to do list has dwindled down and for the most part aside from exams the rest of my semester is downhill.  This semester there were two tasks I was most nervous for- the first was a presentation of a case we did an exam on in the hospital and the second was an shift in the ICU for a few hours.  I wasn't terribly nervous for the ICU shift, as much of the tasks on our list we needed to accomplish were either things I had done before as a tech, or things that I knew they would show me when I got there.  My shift for the ICU was scheduled the night after we wrote an exam and I was exhausted as I had been up since 4:30AM, and the shift wasn't scheduled to end til 9 (which as with all shifts in the veterinary world means later than that).  I got to the ICU, was shown the cases in the hospital by the technician who was supervising myself and a second year student, and then we got an idea for the layout of the unit.  I worked on my task list, item by item, and by the time 9:30 rolled around and I had finished the sufficient number of tasks I was more than ready to go home.  I actually really enjoyed doing the ICU shift.  Being a teaching hospital means that the school has "toys of the trade" that I wouldn't normally get to play with in a lot of other clinical settings.  I got to see some neat cases that were there and it was a good learning experience.  It took away some of the nervousness I had associated with fourth year as well.  Overall, despite being tired I was glad the shift went how it did and I had ample opportunity to do things!  

The second thing I dreaded doing this semester was the case presentation.  Each time your group has the lab, you get assigned a case in the large animal hospital to work through.  One member of your group is responsible to present your findings in a precise manner to the rest of class members present.  I agreed to do the presentation for my group on the day of my birthday- thinking maybe it would be good luck!  This presentation involves public speaking, something I am both not good at and not comfortable with.  Despite being thrown into countless presentation situations over my academic career I have never built up a comfort level with presenting.  The closest to comfortable I have come is with this group of people in my vet school class, because I am with them so often and as a class we tend to be respectful of our peers who are presenting (it's much appreciated!)  My group got a case, began working through it and I furiously scribbled notes down about the case as we tried to figure out what we were finding.  About halfway through the clinician overseeing us for the week came in and gave us a little bit of a hint about what we were seeing- and told us we were missing something.  We sort of discovered what she meant, but not quite and by the time she came back to us to show us what she meant and discuss things a little bit I realized I needed to rework a lot of my findings/notes to present as what she said changed the clinical picture.  Unfortunately because she came to us last to check back in, and decided we would be presenting first I lost the opportunity to chat with the group memebers and reorganize/confirm what I was going to say.  Nonetheless, I figured I could probably combine and pull things together.  So, as the other members of the class came in to hear my presentation, my nerves pounding away I began.  I think I made it through about 2 sentences before the voice of the clinician interrupted me.  Not only did I then lose my train of thought, but I lost a huge chunk of the "confidence" I was trying to fake.  So, she told me to continue and again I made it through about two sentences before she interrupted me to tell me what I  was doing wrong, again.  At this point I was shaken.  There was nothing I could do to mentally get back my presentation back on track.  I took a deep breath and moved to the next section.  Thankfully, she interrupted me a third time shortly after that, to bring up a point about the case and instead of making me stumble my way through the end she got so wrapped up in her point that I did not have to finish.  I know that I was not presenting things well... I also know that I might have recovered after the first interruption but after the second I had no hope.  I was pretty sure I failed the presentation, and by far I knew I was the worst presenter from the class since we had started doing them a few weeks before.  She was a different clinician than we had the first two rounds of presentations and we didn't know what to expect from her.  We didn't know how she ran the lab sessions (which it turned out was different from the previous clinician), and we didn't realize how she would chose to critique presentations.  When she finished her spiel about the case, the final nail in my coffin was when she asked the rest of the class what their critiques for me were.  If  I could have shrunk into the wall and never be seen again, I would gladly have done that.  Thankfully (I don't know if any of my classmates know how thankful I really was) not a single person offered any critique.  They could have- there was plenty they could have said... I would probably have dissolved into tears... but thankfully no one did.  We moved on to the remaining two cases, for which their presentations were more straight forward and both presenters did a good job.  In the end, my grade for the presentation is not a grade I would normally be happy with- but given how it went, I was just happy I passed. 

So, since the two things I was nervous for are done, I am left just plugging away on exams until the semester draws to a close.  I can't believe in just under 2 months I will be done this semester and heading home for the last time in a long time.  Once we finish writing our finals for the spring semester (which ends in 197 days by the way!) we have a couple days and then rotations begin for fourth year.  I won't likely be going home again after this break until August.  However, the true grit of fourth year- the busy pace and lack of sleep- will make time fly by and before I know it I will probably be writing some post about how I can't believe fourth year is almost done.  

On a non-school related note my dad came up for Thanksgiving day weekend, as he did last year.  This year, we didn't have much planned as he was only going to be here Friday night through Sunday early morning.  When he got here I took him out to see sunset at one of my favorite spots on the island, and then we came back and watched The Heat- which he had never seen.  Saturday we were busy, but he very kindly agreed to put my new office chair and desk together!!  For sometime now my kitchen table has doubled as a desk, and not only was it cluttered and messy looking, the chair was NOT comfortable for studying 8 hours at a time in.  I would finish studying and be super sore- my back, my arms- it made studying even less enjoyable.  So, I splurged and dad and I made me a new little office space in my living room.  Saturday night we went to a hockey game which was a lot of fun and was a great game, despite our team losing the game in overtime.  I was bummed he didn't get to stay longer, but I also would have had to spend time studying if he was here any longer since we had an exam this Tuesday.  Also aside from school I've been having my favorite fuzzy man spending some time with me weekly- Mr. Ryker comes on Wednesdays usually and then I bring him home Thursdays on my way into class (which best of all doesn't start til 1:30!)  I look forward to laughing at his goofy antics while he is here, his cuddles... it allows me to have cuddle time with a dog, while not having to worry about how some days I am gone too long.  It's been fantastic!  I am not sure what my schedule next semester will shake out to be, especially because Jr. surgery on Thursday morning will mean being at school very early, but I am sure I can find some time to spend with the monkey!  

So, there you have it... the school semester so far.  If something worthwhile comes up I will probably gladly procrastinate for a bit to write a post about it... however I am not anticipating a lot of excitement between now and the end of the semester.  I am however looking forward to Halloween.  For the first time in a long long time (or maybe ever?) I bought a costume and planned an outfit in advance!  We have 2 exams the week of Halloween, however the exam the week after Halloween is on a Tuesday and since Halloween falls on a Friday there is not a good reason not to go out and celebrate a little!  Last year on Halloween I was just beginning the Cherokee saga with her infected knee, and I didn't go out because I was watching her while she recovered from her sedation from school.  This year, I will go out and I am sure we will get to have fun.  I am not going to say what I am going as yet- but I will say that it hopefully isn't too cold because my outfit is not one that would pass a New England Winter Halloween Prep test (aka... no way does a snowsuit work with it!)       

And the beat goes on

Today marks the beginning of the third week of the third year of vet school.  At the moment I should probably be working on learning about food animals, but once a procrastinator, always one.  At the beginning of second year I realized when classes got going how easily I had fallen out of good study habit, and how easily I had forgotten everything I had learned.  This time around, some of that is true- I don't remember things I know I "learned" at one point or another causing me to have to go back and review, but I also don't think my study habits have fallen too badly off- I even studied last weekend when I could very easily have taken time off from doing anything at all.  

On August 24 at 3 AM my mom, myself, Ryker and Tizzie all loaded up into our cars to begin the migration back to the island.  Poor Ryker was very confused as to why we were loading things in the car the night before- he was pretty sure he was getting left behind and he did not approve.  Tizzie didn't know what we were doing but she didn't really care either.  Neither Ryker nor I slept particularly well Saturday night into Sunday and before I knew it the alarm was going off and it was time to get a move on.  The drive is always long, but it's even longer when you are travelling with dogs because you have to stop and let them stretch their legs a little longer and more frequently.  It was also a very warm day- beautiful for driving but too hot to leave the dogs in the cars while we did things like take pee breaks- so we shuffled around and made it all work.  Finally, we arrived at my little cottage where Ryker's mother and some of the other girls in my class met us to pick him up so they could go out to the beach.  While they invited us to come along, I had too much unpacking and organizing to try and do before classes on Monday.  

Mom and Tizzie stayed with me until Tuesday morning, which worked out well.  Monday's I don't have classes til 10:30 and I am done by 3:30 so they didn't have to try and entertain themselves too long while I was in class.  They came to the campus about the time of my lunch break and we hung out and relaxed.  Tizzie enjoys being a ham and she continued her tradition- catching the attention of many a passerby.  Mom and I went out to dinner Monday night, and they left early Tuesday morning as they had a long day of driving ahead of them and I had classes all day long.  The cottage was very quiet after they left.  Last year when I returned after putting Cherokee to sleep the cottage was hugely empty but by the end of finals I had come to accept the new routine and quiet.  This year I won't have a pet in the cottage with me, and despite knowing and expecting the quiet it is odd.  Thankfully, Ryker (and even his sister sometimes!) will get to spend some time with me over the semester so I won't get too lonely!  In fact this past week Ryker was at the cottage with me Wednesday night to Thursday.  He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he was content so long as we were playing with a toy.  

Classes have been good, though it's kind of an odd semester worth of courses for me.  I am taking 11 classes, a few of which are just once a week courses and one of those is just a pass/fail class.  I am not taking Jr. Surgery lab this semester as I expected, so Thursdays I don't even have class until 1:30, which is spoiling me.  Most of my classes are lectures, with just 3 labs mixed in.  The courses are:

-Food Animal Health- which as you surmised basically talks about food animal production, and diseases.  It's probably not my favorite subject, but it is a 5 credit lecture course so it will require a lot of work.

-Diagnostic Radiology- Which again is not difficult to guess that we are learning about x-ray interpretation, and this course has a lab component.  I love the professor for this course but sometimes I have absolutely not idea if I am making things up- so hopefully with time this will improve for me.

-Equine Health and Disease- All about the equine world, this course is strictly lecture and focuses on their disease processes.  I enjoy horses, but I have always felt I don't know much about them, so I am enjoying this course so far. 

-Neurology/Opthomalogy- This course is split in focus between the neuro standpoint and the eyes.  This will probably be one of the more difficult courses for me this semester, especially in the neurology aspect, but the disease processes that can occur and the bodily responses to injury can be impressive, so I won't be bored trying to learn this material!

-Cardio/Respiratory- This class is also split in focus between the heart and the respiratory centers.  For whatever reason I have a mental block on heart related things so I anticipate having to put a lot of work into this class.

-Integrative Medicine- This course was an optional course I decided to take, that deals with the alternative medical therapies that can be used in practice such as chiropractics and holistic approaches.

-Introduction to Exotics- This class deals with the exotic pets that may grace your practice doorstep.  It is also an elective course, but I took it as I know I enjoy rabbits, guinea pigs, ferrets, etc. and inevitably there will be people who show up with them at your practice.

-Advanced Anesthesiology- This focuses on small animals, and the more difficult cases that you would see requiring anesthesia- such as compromised cardiac function.  This class is pass/fail and optional but anesthesia is such an important part of working in veterinary practice I felt this would be a good class for me to take.  

-Musculoskeletal- Deals with what it says- the musculoskeletal system.  The course outline highlights the different types of diseases we will be talking about and of the list I think at least one pet in my life has hit all the major diseases we discuss.  I find orthopedic things very interesting and so I expect to enjoy this class. 

-Clinical Techniques in Large Animals- This is a lab course that has two components- the first is case presentation which involves doing a physical exam and integrating history and diagnostics to explore a problem, then presenting to your classmates; and another portion that includes learning procedures for large animal medicine- such as palpation for pregnancy.  The presentations scare me, despite having seen how they were done last time- as public speaking always makes me nervous.  Thankfully I have a good group for that.  The medicine part of this lab is exciting, and also a bit nerve wracking- but it makes the whole being a doctor thing seem real!  

-Medical Exercises in Companion Animals- This is the counter part to the large animal lab, except no presentation of the cases.  We continue to work on doing some more advanced things for small animals in this lab, and it will be a good lead-up to Jr. Surgery and the clinical rotations next year. 

So, as you can see my schedule sounds great, but it is chalk full of classes.  I am excited for most of the courses, though I admit the large animal things are less interesting to me than the small animal.  There is still plenty of time for that to change for me though- who knows maybe once we get going I will discover I really enjoy some aspect of large animal more than small.  I don't see that happening, but I will keep my options open.  

Last weekend was a holiday weekend and it was busy!  The freshman class has orientation activities planned for them throughout the whole first week and sometimes beyond that.  The first Friday of classes they do a large pub crawl, which is not technically school sponsored.  They go to three bars and basically do the things one does on a pub crawl.  The shirts are open for sale to any student at the school, but this year I didn't buy one.  I hadn't really intended to go out to the bars that night but friends of mine were all going, so we decided it would be fun.  We ended up at the last bar the pub crawlers were going to- and there was no cover charge!  We danced and had a lot of fun- but it was about 4 AM when I crawled into bed on Saturday morning!  I haven't been out til 4 AM in a long time- because I am getting old, no fun anymore, and I really enjoy my 8 hours of sleep when I can get it!  I slept until about noon, got up and did a couple of things, but then took another nap.  Saturday night we all had tickets to the Shania Twain concert downtown.  The show was excellent- despite that I am incredibly short and therefore I couldn't really see the stage from where we were standing.  It was another late night, and we got home around midnight.  Two late nights in a row, and a cold I was battling knocked me for a loop and much of Sunday was spent in bed, reading notes or watching Netflix.  Monday being a holiday, I got up and read over some notes, lounged around a bit, took a walk and relaxed.  Overall, it was a lot of fun- but I do know that I may be too old for 2 late nights in a row!

As this weekend comes to a close, I have been house sitting for a friend and classmate who has a very adorable, comical little cat.  Often times when I am just watching cats I don't stay there with them because cats don't care- but Sushi does!  She likes having company, I think!  The place is in town, which is a bit different from my cottage which is 20 minutes away, but one of the perks is delivery that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, so I gladly ordered that Friday night, and just vegged out.  The remainder of today will be spent reviewing notes for a couple of classes, before school starts up again tomorrow.  As time winds on I am sure I will have more to say about classes individually, though for now I am still trying to gain my bearings in each class.  I do have my goal set for the semester and year, which is to maintain my grades to the same standard I did last year.  After working hard all year long I was rewarded by a note in my mailbox on the first day of classes saying I made the Dean's List for the previous academic year!  I am very proud of that accomplishment, specifically because of where I was academically in first year.  While my grades were not horrible in first year, I did have a couple of grades lower than I had ever seen before and it was disheartening.  So to come back in the second year with the marks that I did, making Dean's List was a validation for me that my hard work paid off.  On October 8, I will be going to the school's award ceremony, and I am sure there will be pictures to see.